Writer's Block sucks--and that's okay.

Back in October, I remember a bunch of people on Twitter starting to talk about their NaNoWriMo projects and how excited they were.

For the uninitiated, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. According to Wikipedia, “NaNoWriMo is an annual, Internet-based creative writing project that takes place during the month of November. Participants attempt to write a 50,000 word manuscript between November 1 and November 30. Well-known authors write ‘pep-talks’ to keep them motivated throughout the process. The website provides participants with tips for writer's block, information on where local participants are meeting, and an online community of support. NaNoWriMo focuses on the length of a work rather than the quality, encouraging writers to finish their first draft so that it can later be edited at the author's discretion. The project started in July 1999 with 21 participants. By the 2010 event, over 200,000 people took part and wrote a total of over 2.8 billion words.” Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Novel_Writing_Month

Please note before I even begin: I am in no way trying to say this initiative is a bad idea or am in any way downing those who participate. From what I’ve seen, it looks like a great program for those will the willpower to follow it.

I’m just saying it’s not for me, and that’s okay. I hate sounding like I’m making excuses, but this is one of those things that I want to share so that other aspiring writers and artists don’t feel like they’re the only ones struggling, that they’re not the only ones who felt guilty when they read other authors’ word counts (or artists’ progress) and personally have nowhere near what others have.

See? It's not just you and me.

There are various reasons I feel this way, most of them dealing with the fact that I still consider writing a hobby for me (albeit a somewhat profitable one, but not that one that pays my bills…yet). I don’t consider it a job, nor do I want to; that would make it less fun for me. It’s what I do in my free time, or when I’m feeling particularly inspired by something that happened, or when I finally get that chunk of plot figured out in my head and am excited to get it down on the page.

But what about the times that don’t really allow for creative abilities to spring forth like a hole in a dam?

September through most of December SUCKED for me. Big time. Between severe work stress (like crying-at-my-desk-then-opening-a-bottle-of-wine-as-soon-as-I-get-home levels of stress), bouts of depression, and my mother being sick and almost dying, writing was one of the last things on my mind. By the time I got home at the end of the day I just wanted to be a complete vegetable. All of my “peopling” abilities were completely exhausted by the time I walked out of the door at my full-time job, and by the time I got home I didn’t even want to socialize with the characters in my head. I stopped going on Twitter, stopped blogging, barely even went on Facebook.

By mid-October when all the NaNoWriMo started popping up all over Twitter, just the thought of it exhausted me. There was just no way, especially since starting a new project when I’m a quarter of the way through my third book would be super confusing.

Sure, I could write 50K words in my current novel, but could I write quality material? That was always a concern of mine. Is it worth exerting all that energy when I truly didn’t think I could manage enough brain space to accomplish this? Or would I sit there and chuck out 50K words’ worth of gibberish and end up deleting most of it when revising and/or when I had time to sit down and actually think about what I actually wanted to accomplish? It seemed counter-productive to me, so I didn’t even try.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done what I could over the past few months. Sometimes it was just thinking about where I wanted to go next. That’s helpful in the times I can’t actually get anything on the page; I at least have a timeline in my head, or I made a note in my phone so I don’t forget. I tried to write a few times, and there were a few semi-calm weekends where I managed a few pages. It wasn’t easy; there were so many times I sat at my computer and tried to get out what was in my head. Once I opened my laptop, though, I just stared with a completely empty mind and could do absolutely nothing to get the ideas out. It was incredibly frustrating.

My life the past couple months.

Slowly, though, things have started to get better. I applied for a new job in November, and my stress level started going down the moment I applied (I knew I had a really good chance of getting it, which I did). My mother moved in with me, which literally saved her life; the mold in her old house had resulted in her being sick for most of the past year. The last time she went to the ER in November, she almost didn’t come back out of the hospital, so I moved her in with me till we can get her a place. While living conditions are a bit cramped, my mother is healthy for the first time in a year, so all of that worry about her health is gone. I don’t have as much alone time (which, for an introvert, can be quite difficult as I don’t have much time to recharge), but I already used my RV as a writer’s retreat, anyway, so I escape to there when I really need to. I also started my new job two weeks ago, and that has eliminated 90% of the job stress I used to feel.

I was finally able to finish two chapters last week—the same two chapters I’ve been struggling with for months—and my mind finally has the capability of seriously thinking about the plot and writing again.

To add to all of this positive direction, I got this review recently on my first book:

Whoever you are, thank you!

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m not too fond of my first book; I think it needs a lot of changes, and I cringe a bit when I think about it. There are plenty of people who tell me it’s great, but I think it could be better. Someday when I have the financial means I’d love to revamp it. One of these days…

So when I see a review like that—especially a year and a half after it was published—it makes this indie author feel so much better. Something I wrote, something I’m not totally confident in, is still loved by others out there over a year after the fact. It makes the struggle to push past the writer’s block worth it. Then, thinking about how much I've improved with my writing style since then, I have more confidence to keep going.

So as I get back into writing again, keep in mind that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one out there having a difficult time getting your ideas down on your selected medium, and that’s okay. Once things get better, pick it back up; it will wait for you until then. Don’t feel pressured to do something just to show others you’ve accomplished something; wait until you can do something of quality then blow their minds. Or do what you can just to keep yourself from going rusty and work on it when you’re able. Basically, do what’s best for you, and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. Your pace is the right pace.